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Back to Main Personals Help | Safety Tips | Profile Creation Tips | Response Tips
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Personals Safety Tips
The stop-drop-and-rolls of online dating.
We like to think that every member of these Personals is a supermodel citizen polite to a fault, hotter than Georgia asphalt, and more limber than Nadia Comaneci. That may well be the case, but just as you wouldn't assume it walking into a bar, or even a friend's party, so you shouldn't assume it on the Personals. Remember what your mother told you about strangers with candy: It's a big, bad world out there, and we can't always be there for you. (In fact, we don't want to be there during those awkward first dates.) But we do want you to be responsible about your personal Personals experience, just as we want you to be responsible in any of your dating experiences (though why anyone would try dating without the Personals, we don't know). Here are a few things to bear in mind as you enter the world of online dating . . .
- Don't put any contact information in your profile, including email addresses, instant messenger nicknames, personal URLs, personal homepages, etc. Take advantage of the anonymity of your Personals nickname until you've exchanged a few notes. Besides, our Terms of Service doesn't allow it, so there.
- Once you're ready to take the conversation to email, you might not want to give out your primary email address immediately, especially if it reveals your place of work, your personal website, or your full name. Think about getting a secondary email account at a free provider like Hotmail or Yahoo.
- Don't give out your phone number to just anyone it's much easier to screen emails than phone calls if you're trying to avoid a second date.
- Apply the same rules of trust that you would to any stranger you met in a bar: Trust your instincts, and don't relax your rules just because someone is female, really good-looking, rich, or gainfully employed.
- When you decide to meet in person, we don't recommend inviting them to a candlelit dinner at your secluded cabin in the woods. Nor do we recommend accepting an invitation to a candlelit dinner at their secluded cabin in the woods. Public places are best. You might even want to bring along a few friends to the bar/coffee shop/monster truck rally. Though this is by no means necessary, it does have a bonus side effect: If the date's a dud, excuse yourself to the bathroom and as you pass your friends, whisper, "The eagle flies at midnight" to put Project Rescue into effect.
- If your friends have better things to do (and we're guessing they do), let one of them know where you're going, who you're planning on meeting, and when you plan on calling them with all the juicy details.
- For the first date, meet them there, don't have them pick you up at your place. Why? That's right, kids: Because then . . . they'll know . . . where you live!
- We might be prudes, but we do accept the fact that some of you use the Personals just for cheap, meaningless sex. The same rules still apply for everyone: Don't rush into things, live by rules #9 and #10, blah, blah, blah.
- No matter how dirty the emails leading up to this date got, or how many promises were made in the heat of your online crush, all bets are off (or at least on hold) once you meet face to face. Don't feel obliged to do anything, whether that's ordering a second drink or having all that oral sex you talked about.
- When you get to the sex and you usually do, you dirty dogs know this: Sex is a risk. The best way to try to prevent catching or spreading an STD is to talk about your sexual histories and get tested before any sexual contact, and use protection during it.
- Have a torrid email romance. Talk on the phone 'till 4 a.m. with someone in Holland. Have phone sex. Go on dates. Go on seven dates in seven days. Have fun. Be safe. Invite us to the wedding.
What are some helpful tips for creating a profile?
The following are some tried and true guidelines for creating a successful profile:
- Be honest. Misleading others now will only lead to disappointment later.
- There is such a thing as Too Much Information. Avoid mentioning exes, your digestive process and the like.
- Be realistic. Also, being open to a wider variety of sizes, shapes, ages, professions, and geographic locations will only net you more responses.
- Have a sense of humor this is only your social life, after all. And don't say, "I've got a great sense of humor." Remember what your tenth-grade English teacher said: Show, don't tell.
- Invest in your profile. Show you care enough to post the very best; spend more than thirty seconds creating your profile. You don't have to fill out all the fields, just the ones that inspire you.
- Add a photo. A recent, representative one. It'll help get you more responses no matter what you look like: People just want to be reassured that you don't have two heads.
- Don't be a cliché. Visit any other personals website. Read a handful of profiles. Do the exact opposite here.
- Update your profile every now and then. It lets people know that you're still paddling around in the dating pool.
What are some helpful tips for responding to profiles and messages?
The following are some tried and true guidelines for responding to profiles:
- Proof and spellcheck. It's the least you can do.
- Be specific. Everybody hates form letters, and everybody can tell when you're sending one. Mention something from their profile that made you respond. Make them feel special. And write a catchy subject line it'll give them a reason to click on your response first.
- If they have a photo in their profile, it's only fair that you post one in yours before replying. Or at the very least, offer to send them one don't make them have to ask.
- Ask a specific question in your response. It makes it easier for them to respond to you.
- When faced with the choice of being flirty or sleazy, it's usually best to go with the former at least until you get to know each other better. Pick-up lines don't work in bars, and they don't work here either.
- Give them space. Be patient if they don't respond immediately. After one witty follow-up and still no response, don't take it personally just quietly move on to the next profile that inspires you with dignity and grace.
- Avoid extended essays. The first response you send is not a forum to tell your life story.
- Some people aren't ready to give out their email addresses after a few exchanges, and prefer to take advantage of the anonymity of the Personals system for a while. Respect that.
- You're not obligated to reply to responses, though many people appreciate a polite "thanks, but no thanks." If you receive a polite "thanks, but no thanks," don't bother them again. If someone suddenly stops writing, don't take it personally.
- Respect their boundaries. If you are way outside the parameters of what someone is looking for (i.e you're twenty and they're looking for someone forty or older), do not reply to their profile.
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